To be a woman

I wonder whether people see me as a woman, or if they see me as I see myself - conflicted, manly, hairy, ugly. Some days I don't think I'm that ugly; other days I feel freakishly homely.

I long to be affirmed in my femininity, to have someone tell me I'm beautiful, to know I matter as a woman, not just as a person - although I'd appreciate that too.

I find myself thinking so often about what other people think of me, probably because I don't know what to think of myself.

My computer's on the fritz, so this will be short today. I wish I could write more, but the trackpad on my mouse is going out.