Please

I wonder where you are. When I'm desperate, you don't seem to show up. When death seems the only happy alternative to my circumstances, you look on and do nothing. Your Word says you care, but I don't feel it or see it. Nothing dispels the gloom I feel or the torpor that hinders me from taking care of myself.

The fact that this moment is a tolerable one doesn't do much for my faith because last night was so miserable. I don't understand why you let me languish in the pit of years-long depression, why you don't answer my prayers and the prayers of others. We pray that you will heal, but no healing comes.

What more do I have to learn or discover? What more do I need to do or think or feel before you lift your heavy hand? One word from you could silence the enemy. One look of pity could lift the malaise, the weight upon my heart that makes the tears flow so freely.

God of the universe, I give you myself. I give you anything else I can think of - even though everything belongs to you already. I have no bargaining power, nothing I can use to sway you to relent.

I appeal, then, to your mercy. Please, give me the strength to work. Please do a miracle and let me wake up with hope and energy. Please use whatever means necessary to lessen the depression. I ask you for the ability to support myself so that I don't have to go on disability again. I ask you for the determination I currently lack, the gumption to push through morning after morning of fighting to get up and get to work. I plead with you for twelve months of working. Please.