Searching

I am searching for answers. Where was God when my mother abused me over and over? Where was He and why did He not intervene?

Only one blog have I found helpful so far: Blooming Lotus, a blog about childhood abuse. The writer shares her journey through abuse and her conclusion that God entrusted free will to those who misused it. Far from being absent during the abuse, He wept that such things were happening and wept at the harm done to an innocent victim.

I don't really care that I need a new identity and all that. What I want to know is, how can I reconcile the church's assertion that God is good when He allowed me to be so hurt by my primary caretaker?

Oh that I would be able to love God with abandon, forgive my mother, and move on. Oh that I could stop the pain and mental lacerations learned from years of abuse.

I wonder what I'll do if I ever get beyond this.